Confused, sad, and scared

Before I get started into why my post title is what it is....

I just started limiting my internet/fun time to a max of 2 hours a workday and 4 on the weekend. I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and using 1.5 hours of my day. Since this is therapeutic and I'm not going throughout the internet to just scan stuff and find interesting things, I won't count this. Weighed myself after work yesterday at 219.2. Still making progress but it did slow down because of my lack of willpower. I saw that my friend is back on the NoFap challenge and can really see a difference. Got a kitten on Monday. His name is Shiro(Japanese for white even though he isn't white lol). Got the title information I need for my car like I said I would. Got the high mount brake light which has been out for like 8 months.  I need to have my resume finished by Friday because I have Saturday and Sunday off and I have plans on Sunday.

Alright, enough with the daily stuff...why am I confused sad and scared...

I woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream of the woman I fell in love with. I decided to send her a text that I had a dream about her and thought about going back to sleep. After a little bit I sent her a text about my love for her. Its no small thing for me. I knew she was seeing someone, but I am honest with her even if we haven't been talking too much lately. I decided to go back to sleep after spending some time on the internet. Talked to some random woman on facebook and she asked if she or the girl I was in love with was prettier. I immediately responded that Cinderella was prettier. She was like ok bye. I dont' care, I was just bored and she was someone to talk to. Right as I am laying down I get a text from Cinderella...she just broke up with her boyfriend. You may think "Yay" but thats not what was going through my head at all. I responded that I would listen if she needed to talk and she said "No thank you". Ugh I know she wants some time to get herself worked out of this emotional turmoil. Her Heart was breaking and even though I had dreamed of this, I never realized how bad I would hurt from the pain she is in. I still hurt and I talked to my sister I said what can I do to help her? She said "Nothing". So now I sit back and pray to God that she gets through this. I don't know how hard it must me to lose a person who you have been so close to. He wasn't grown up for her or more importantly for himself, and even though she still has some growing, she is working on it. We all have to grow up. We aren't perfect, we just have to realize it and keep at working it.

So now I am confused. I want to do something to help alleviate her pain, but I honestly can't. It hurts that I can't help her through this time, but she will get through it without my help. That's the kind of woman she is. It makes me proud of her and her willpower. I am sad that I can't be there for her, but she'll get through this, as she has everything else in her life.

Now the big part. The reason I am scared. Why did she break up with him? Was she just tired of him? Did she find someone better? Did he cheat on her? I don't know. I hope she is doing this for herself; because he is a dead weight in her life, emotionally and spiritually. He is the type of guy who rides the guilt trip on people and she has said she feels she owed it to him to stay with him. She previously said that she would break up with him in 2 years if he didn't grow up. It hasn't been 2 years. Did she realize what he was and make this huge step? I don't know, all though I suspect this is the case. The biggest reason I am scared....

I'm not the MAN she needs. I want to be. I am striving to be a great man and she is a huge motivation for me. (Not the whole reason, because I have to do this for myself first and foremost, but she is inspiration for me). If I'm not the man she needs, will she find another man in the years to come? Her boyfriend was a rogue safety net I guess. He was a guy who wasn't good for her. She outshines him as a person in so many ways. I had him as a rogue safety net...because if he didn't grow up, I had time to improve myself. If he did grow up...well at least I'd know. Now I have no idea about anything. All of my safety nets are gone. She is in a hurt place right now. I wish I knew what to do. I'll post this and if she reads it...I hope she realizes that I am not happy that she broke up with him, quite the opposite. The biggest reason that I am hurting... is I can't stand she is hurting. I'm powerless over that situation. I can't help her.