Interesting read

We’ve all been there… You can’t stop thinking about that special someone, your emotions start to race when you’re with them and the next thing you know you can’t figure out how you lived your life without them. We start to fantasize about life with them and begin to wonder if they are “The One.”

The first 6-12 months of a relationship are often referred to as the “honeymoon stage” because our emotions are in overdrive as the feel good chemicals in our brains are working overtime in response to this new budding relationship. This is the stage of a relationship where he or she can do no wrong. This perfect angel is doing all the right things and soon you wonder how can you live without them?

I like relationships and I believe they can teach us a lot about ourselves and strengthen us. I keep an open mind when it comes to love but often times our perceptions of love disappoints us. I believe we are disappointed because we were told a lie that has infested our culture, society and homes. That lie is that somewhere out there is a soul mate for you and when you find them, that’s the person you are supposed to be with. This ideology is rooted in loneliness, fear and insecurity.

We approach relationships with the notion that this person will complete us and take away our loneliness. We approach love thinking that love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. These misconceptions lead us to search for that “one” person somewhere out there who we will have our fairytale ended with. The problem with this is that fairytales end for a reason. No one wants to see Cinderella 10 or 15 years later fighting with Prince Charming over who is going to bring the kids to soccer practice.

I ask people all the time about what they want out of their relationships with members of the opposite sex and most everyone wants to find that special someone and settle down. I agree. I want to believe in the happily ever after where the husband and wife go off to live in their new house and raise children but with a divorce rate over 50% and people not understanding the work it takes to keep a relationship together I become skeptical.


Why?

Imagine for a moment that you haven’t eaten in many days. The feeling of hunger grinds away at you and all of a sudden a person holding a juicy steak dinner walks by you. The smell permeates your senses and you begin to salivate. You could be in the middle of a deep conversation with someone but if you sense that steak dinner your attention goes to that steak.

Now imagine you are full. You have eaten a huge meal and then someone with a steak dinner comes walking by you again. You won’t even pay attention because your need for food has been fulfilled. This analogy represents the relationships between scarcity and abundance.

When it comes to our dating lives, if we have no options, we will take the first thing that comes our way and then mistake that neediness for love.

If we are starved for partners we tend to project a higher value on them then if we had an abundance of people in our lives we could choose from. This is why our neediness clouds our judgments and becomes a frame that alters our perception of the people we come in contact with. If we have multiple choices we will make our decisions based on what is best not the first thing that comes our way.

Until you attain meaningful, consistent success in your dating life with the type of person you desire, you through your own inexperience will limit your ability to find the type of person you want and sustain a healthy relationship.

I don’t believe in the concept that there is “the one” for everyone out there. I believe that there are many “the one’s” No one girl or guy is the only one for you. There is no soul mate….

… There are soul mateS

Scarcity breeds obsession. When you do not have a healthy dating life and have no potential partners you tend to fixate yourself on that one person who shows you interest. You analyze them, ask for expert advice, talk about them with your friends and stalk their facebook in hopes to find out something you can do to “get them.” When scarcity becomes a part of your life then obsessive behavior is sure to follow. This scarcity also lies to us because it tells us that by not doing these behaviors we will never stand a chance, but the irony is by doing these behaviors we cause ourselves great suffering and ruin any chance of developing anything with that person. Neediness is the most unattractive quality one can possess but scarcity thrives off of it.

Scarcity continues to lie to us because it tells us that these feelings we have are “special” and that there is no one like this girl. We tell our friends the same lie adding to the illusion. The truth is that you’re feelings for this person is the exact definition of common. If you don’t believe me turn on the radio or watch any movie ever made. Every other person out there thinks that their crush is special and unique…

… and they are unique…just like everyone else.

I believe in love but not the way that we were raised to think that love exists. I believe that love is when your want for each other exceeds your need for each other. Far too many times people mistake neediness for love. They settle for a woman because they believe that is the best they can get. They don’t accrue much experience with women so they have an idea of what they want and what they can get and these parallels rarely match up. We could write a million books about love but for each of us love will be different.

What causes us such great suffering is not love… but the idea of love. The mindset that “she is the best you can get” and “she is so special” will hold you back from being your perfect self every time. Your partnership simply needs to be like a key and a lock, a match that fits. You must accrue experience with different types of partners to know what you want and don’t want. Find what you want and what you don’t want through experience and then return with the wisdom to discern if this is love.
http://www.nsscoaching.com/blog/getting-rid-of-neediness-once-and-for-all/

Marcus Aurelius

But among the things readiest to thy hand to which thou shalt turn, let there be these, which are two. One is that things do not touch the soul, for they are external and remain immovable; but our perturbations come only from the opinion which is within. The other is that all these things, which thou seest, change immediately and will no longer be; and constantly bear in mind how many of these changes thou hast already witnessed. The universe is transformation; life is opinion. This is pretty moving to me. I look at this quote and it brings to my attention that I am in control as to how everything and everyone affects me. I have allowed myself to get hurt and it's only on me as to how I feel about everything. When I let her affect my emotions, when I let my craving for love consume me I lost track of my own self. I can not let my emotions control me, but I should still listen to what they have to say. I am by no means perfect, and Ill never be, but in order to continue pursuing tranquility and peace within myself, I can not let other people and events sway my mind. I am not an animal that craves a constant stream of happiness or attention. I will not let the animal control me. I owe Linda nothing and she owes me nothing. I am responsible for my actions and reactions just as she is responsible for hers. I haven't looked at her tumblr or twitter in 11 days now. I don't need to. I don't need to know what is going on in her life because I only should worry about myself and seek self improvement. It doesn't mean that I don't think about her a lot, but I'm thinking of her less and less everyday. My mind feels clear and is sharp. If its something I crave then I am letting myself down by giving in. Until I no longer care one way or another then I am not ready to face it. I plan to look back on my life when I am on my deathbed and enjoy it a second time from my memory.

Journal #3

I'm starting back. On day 3 from nofap. I lost a lot of motivation after I hurt my back and then I fapped again. Past week I've been making sure to stretch my back and try and have good posture. Finally ran again after 7 or 8 days I think. Feels really fucking good.
I still think about Linda multiple times a day However! I just tell myself "one day at a time" and I focus on something else. I havent looked at her tumblr or twitter in 6 days and I'm going to wait another 25 days to check it. I've started to meditate a few minutes a day. I am down to 205.4 pounds as of yesterday. Co worker is starting to try and lose weight and I hope she sticks to it! However 2 of my coworkers are in denial saying that they are happy being morbidly obese. Very sad but I can't try and tell them otherwise cause its a personal thing. They blame it on a thyroid problem but I believe it's just laziness. Anyway that's today :)

Journal Entry #2

So I had a rough couple days physically. Today is Monday. I woke up Friday afternoon around 7pm I think. Maybe 8. Went to work 10pm-6am. Got home and fell asleep around 8am. I woke up at 10am and went through my day until work again from 10pm to 6am. I ended up spending around 19 dollars on energy drinks/energy pills cigarettes and a slimjim. I didn't eat anything bad at this point. Got home and went to bed at 830am and woke up at 1030am. Went to pick up my friend 45minutes away and went to my DnD game from 1230pm to 7pm. It went pretty good. Drove my friend back home and then went to my moms and passed out around 830pm. That was a long past couple days. Out of 48 hours I had around 4 hours of sleep. Anyway I got a call from my sister last night and she told me she didn't need me to come to her court hearing and so I didn't go. Well lo and behold she went to jail~ luckily its only for 11 days until her next hearing. We are praying she gets put on a thing similar to house arrest.

After I woke up I started browsing dating sites which led to me looking at some pics of some hotties. Which led to me watching some porn. Which led me to fapping. I knew I didn't want to but I did. I'm not really feeling the negative effects as of now, but tomorrow I probably will. 2 more weeks until I am back to tip top mental shape. I have to hang in there. I need to work on my meditation and do that instead of thinking about fapping or women. Anyway. Thats it for right now.

Journal Entry #1

Back is starting to feel better. I haven't gotten to run, but I will tonight.
 I did some pushups, squats, sungods, donkey kicks while at work

Went through the whole night without going to someones social site.

Used a card that said "One day at a time" and looked at it to focus on the now as opposed to the past or future.

Didn't eat any sugar snacks where I have been eating them for the past 5 days

Weight loss progress not where I want it to be. Working at it

Flirted with a 40 year old the other night. Felt good.

Talked to some pretty girls during work and got some real nice smiles from all of them

Ate under my calories.

Focusing on setting daily things to do list such as this.

Going to a party thing today at 4:30 for reddit

Drank too much soda at work and at home(Diet)

Smoked too many cigarettes at work

Didn't compliment a couple women I wanted to. Still had eye contact with them.

Showered and brushed my teeth

Talked to Frank from the headhunters about finding me a job. He found one but its in boston and only pays 40k starting off which is the equivelant to 21k in alabama. Thats not enough to get a house. Still interested in looking at it if they could bump my pay to 60k+

Need to prettify my resume for Frank, and finish my Resume data on the website for Micron.

Need to work on my posterior pelvic tilt

Getting on~

Way to much non-me time recently. Got to get back to the basics.
Ran for 34 minutes yesterday.
 Uploading resume.
 Gonna probably hit up a club on next weekend if I have time.
Down to 209.0 as of yesterday.
Back is sore so taking today off for recovery.
Cute girl was very interested in me at work. I didn't even do anything different. Guess my manliness pays off :P.